yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
