Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
