apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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