JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
