I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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