even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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