There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
