dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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