Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
