margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
