I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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