it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
