we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
