Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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