these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
