K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
