could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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