She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
