dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
