I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
