I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
