we're blogging at a bar
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
