covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
