you guys were way drunker than both of me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
