I can text with my tongue
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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