I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
