Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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