if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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