Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
