you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
