what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
