The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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