Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
