I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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