Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
