Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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