just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
