He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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