I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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