I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
