Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
