BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize