one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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