bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I checked into jail on foursquare
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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