Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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