You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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