Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
