I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
