I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
