You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
