return my video game
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
