At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
