I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
