I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
