If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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