You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
