My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
