Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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