just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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