My hand turned me down
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
