Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
