Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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