woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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