I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She needs sedatives and a leash
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
