I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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