we made out on top of his cat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
