You're completely useless in the revolution.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
